Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Behold His Noodlyness: the One True Monster!

One of the most exciting developments in fundamental physics in the last twenty years has been the development of so-called "String Theory." In String Theory, all fundamental sub-atomic particles are visualized and described mathematically as microscopic vibrating strings. Although as yet unproven, many physicists believe that String Theory has the potential to become the long-sought "Theory of Everything," through which the fundamental physical nature of all matter and forces will become understood.

Obviously String Theory IS correct, although misnamed (a secular humanist conspiracy perhaps?). As NOODLE Theory clearly unambiguously reveals, He has created the fundamental subatomic particles that form all matter in this universe in His own quivering image! You, me, the Earth, the stars...everything in the universe...are all built of trillions of tiny jiggling noodles, microscopic copies of our Divine Saucy Maker. Truly He is everywhere and in all things!
-Steve Lawrence, PhD

President Bush on Flying Spaghetti Monsterism (8/2/05): "I think that part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought," Bush said. "You're asking me whether or not people ought to be exposed to different ideas, the answer is yes."

Summary of Stated Beliefs:
* The Universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster.
* All evidence pointing towards evolution was put in place by His Noodly Appendage.
* Global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct consequence of the decline in numbers of pirates since the 1800s.
* Bobby Henderson is the prophet of this religion.

Codes of conduct:
* Prayers are ended with "Al Dente" rather than "Amen".
* Followers are expected to dress in pirate regalia to help avert global warming.

Benefits of conversion:
* Like the great noodles they worship, Flying Spaghetti Monsterists have flimsy moral standards.
* Every friday is a relgious holiday. ("If your work/school objects to that, demand your religious beliefs are respected and threaten to call the ACLU.")
* FSM heaven is WAY better; it's got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano.

Read more about FSMism here, and then read the Words of the Prophet.

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